hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
