Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
