never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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