Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
