we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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