Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
