if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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