She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He did a backflip because drugs
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