This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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