im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
