So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
