fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
