if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
