we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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