Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
