so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
bring money and cleavage
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
