I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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