It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
