i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
