Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
