youre lurking in front of me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
