We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
