I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
