Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
