i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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