I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
