Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Terrible idea I love it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
