I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
