Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
