I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
