All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
