the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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