I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
