what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
