Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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