Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
