So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
