We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
