I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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