dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
