it hurts more in the daytime
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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