my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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