i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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