i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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