I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
