One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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