he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
