Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
