only if we run a train.
done.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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