a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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