He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
