Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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