First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
