did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
