that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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