so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
